started off badly but got better. i went to give mail a book at one of those postal service trucks. i didnt see anyone, so i placed the book inside. but i was concerned that someone else could come by and reach the book and take it. (relaying this is very painful for me.) i walked about 20 or 30 feet away and then returned. then someone was in the truck. (prob in the truck prior to this, but just away from sight.) i told him i left a book. he responded rudely. like yea, so? fuckin bastard. i then asked for my book back cause i was concerned firstly that he might do something to the book and secondly, well my name and address were on the book. i said to him, i have your number, meaning i knew how to report him. i dont know how he interpreted that but he said, he had my number too. i walked away and then went back, this time i was yelling. another customer was there. the clerk seemed to be civil to him. i was hurt and said, "you could have been civil," or something to that effect. the clerk kept looking at the current customer. then i went to the subway. got a seat and was crying for the next 20 or so minutes. (i could almost cry now just thinking about it. i was really hurt.)
i get this kind of treatment a lot. let me describe him. he was a black man, i guess in his late thirties. so how do i interpret this. this is how: i am a white, fat, middle aged ugly unassertive woman. the world treats me like shit, as did this man. i know i should really report him, but its either do that now or post here and i am enjoying ending my work day by writing something on my blog. (rt now, no working home computer.)
ok, the day got better cause i did some shopping. i had a large store credit and got a lot of good buys, so im happy, well, a little happier. i love to shop. i guess many woman do.
my daughter begs me to take her to a mall. i feel guilty that i rarely do that. what are we gonna do there. shes gonna want this and that and this. and im gonna have to say no and shes gonna try to wear me down. i prefer shopping on the internet. i can comparison shop easily.
i am upset about something my husband said last night. i was laying down, and he motioned to my big belly. he doesnt usually say anything about my weight. i have been gaining wt on a steady basis lately. still, it hurt me. about three years ago i was about 60 lbs thinner. he didnt compliment me then at all. all he did do was say how he didnt like how my breasts hung then. well, jeez. if your skin has been stretched from fat, and then you lose the fat, what should you expect. well, despite that, i looked great. but received no reinforcement from him. no i dont blame him for my gaining the wt back, but he could have (and i think should have) responded in a much more positive way.
